Love and Marriage
Written By: Jill M. Fox, M.D.
Marriages today can be magnificent! Here’s some tips to shake up your Valentine’s Day and make your marriage even better.
Make a date night. So many families are caught up in work and routine, they forget how to have fun. Two dates per month, one orchestrated by him and one by her, is a great way to start.
Swap kids with another couple if babysitting is a problem. You watch their kids on their date nights; they watch yours on your special nights.
Think of fresh ideas that are different than what you normally do. Walk in a park and make snow angels. Go ice-skating. Do fun creative things like you did when you were dating.
Write down all the positive things that first attracted you to your spouse, when you were dating. Focusing on all the great things can really put problems in perspective. Keep the list handy and review it. It can really change your point of view.
Find great role models. Are there people you know who have a marriage like you want to have? Spend some time with them. Ask them to mentor you as a couple.
Seek help if you’re stuck. Many factors block communication. Untreated depression, Bipolar and ADHD are sometimes the reason. Perhaps anger gets in the way of hearing what is said. It often takes an outsider to see what is going on in one’s own family. Take a long look at things in yourself you can work on. Ask God for wisdom in this area.
Men and women see the world very different. In Dr Eggerichs’ book, “Love and Respect,” he articulates how important respect is to men, and love is to women. He uses two acronyms to illustrate this.
Men need: CHAIRS.
Conquest: His desire to work and achieve
Hierarchy: His desire to protect and provide
Authority: His desire to serve and to lead.
Insight: His desire to analyze and counsel.
Relationship: His desire for shoulder-to shoulder friendship.
Sexuality: His desire for sexual intimacy.
Women need: COUPLE.
Closeness: She wants him to be close.
Openness: She wants him to open up to her.
Understanding: Don’t try to fix her, just listen.
Peacemaking: She wants him to say he’s sorry.
Loyalty: She wants to know he’s committed.
Esteem: She wants him to honor and cherish her.
It’s a great book available on CD, and hardback. There’s also a workbook that can really open up communication. Shake up your marriage and have a wonderful Valentine’s Day!