LOVE AND CHILDREN
Written by: Laura Perino, MRC, PCC
Remember the day your child was born? You will never forget the warmth you felt and the excitement you experienced in that particular moment; undoubtedly one of the best! Becoming a first time parent fills you with hope like none other as to the possibility that you will become the best parent ever and have the perfect relationship with your child… and then it happens… the late night feedings, the dirty diapers, the crying, the illness, and the perpetual advise from others. This of course just morphed into talking back when they got older and being embarrassed to sit near you in a movie theater. What happened to the perfect family life?
You as well as myself know there is no such thing as perfect. We come to place such unrealistic expectations on ourselves as parents and therefore can never live up to them. Our children cannot live up to them either- they have their moments and are striving for their own independence and happiness. The best we can do is to love them through life, while laying the necessary groundwork for success. They become perfect in their own individual ways!
The following are some suggestions to help make that journey a little easier and a whole lot brighter for each of you:
Hug daily- somewhere in the hectic day, find time to hug your children for no reason at all… they may just hug back, if it is not in front of their friends!
Give verbal recognition- we love to be praised; it is something we never outgrow- older children need it too, maybe even more.
Set clear and consistent expectations and follow through with consequences- believe it or not, children feel loved and safe and secure when you can do this.
Find 1 hour each day to play- old and young alike enjoy playing- I know you have laundry to do;I know you think they do not want to be around you- you will be surprised to find how relaxing it is and how much closer it will make you- young children will stop nagging for your attention;older children may actually open up to you- each of you will feel more loved.
Take an interest in something they do- next time you take them to baseball practice, instead of dropping them off, get out of your car and stay awhile- it gives you something to talk about and another way to relate with you.
Share with them your spiritual beliefs- take them to church (a good way to get them to go is to promise breakfast out afterwards)- have a discussion and find out what they believe- give them something to believe in.
Listen- what they need from you most- next to love- is for you to hear them, not necessarily to agree with them.
Love- The greatest gift of all, right?! Unconditional love is a promise you can keep- it gives to them, and you experience it a million times over in return!